First of all, we would like to apologize to Kevin Hart for providing the red breakaway pants that lead to this freak mishap. We understand that these things happen sometimes—in fact, one of our employees lost an eyebrow tying new shoes we provided them.
Don’t worry, that didn’t actually happen.
In the future Kevin, we will provide you with zip-off pants instead of breakaways so you don’t have to experience something so traumatic ever again. The zippers will be oiled up so it won’t take too much of your superhuman strength to unzip. We’ll even bake you snickerdoodles and bring you flowers after your surgery. You’re going to get through this Kevin. And we will be there with you every step of the way, theme song and all.